These two past Wednesdays we discussed both healthy, disengaged and enmeshed families and also children maturing and growing. Disengaged families are those which are centrifugal (which means they push away from others). The pros of this type of family is the development of independence is faster and more prominent in this family, the development of self-reliance and autonomy is fast as well. However, the children in these types of families often leave home way too early and have difficulty in trusting people and expressing love. These families often have low expectations and do not expect much of their child, however they have a sense of Pseudo-hostility, which means they may fight a lot, but deep down they really care about each other. On the other end of the family scale is Enmeshed families, which are the opposite of Disengaged families. They are very close together, there is much love and closeness and often have a tight family history. Often they can have the exact opposite of pseudo-hostility, which is pseudo-mutuality(where they look together but they don't really know each other). However, enmeshed families can often be controlling, smothering and have high expectations. Healthy families are in the middle of the scale, they have qualities of both, but they embrace change in lifestyles and their family members.
The overall point for helping children grow and mature is to praise and scold specifically. Praise kids for their talents and what makes them happy, as they get older you should ask them questions instead of telling them what to do. Parents must allow the child enough responsibilities and praise to help boost self-esteem, but not too much to make them overly-dependant or arrogant.
Friday, 28 February 2014
Monday, 17 February 2014
Day 2(Kinda Late)
Last Wednesday we discussed Erikson's Psychosocial Stages of Development, which is essential to the development of the Ego and The Self in children and to an extent the parent's as well. For example; forming the bonds of trust is the first stage, if the parents help provide adequate care to the child, then the child will gain basic trust in people and realizes that they are dependable. If not, the child will develope mistrust and this can lead to depression, anti-social behavior and even paranoia. These stages are all about balance and communication between the child and parent, failure of completing these stages properly can lead to problems later on for the child and possibly the parent.
For example, take a child who has to make a creative project for class, but in doing so gets paint colors everywhere in the room. The kid shows the parent the painting hoping to be praised for their hard work. Now this can go in three ways: 1. The adult could praise the child for making the painting and ignore the mess and clean it up later(which would completely pass over a self-control and basic hygiene lesson), 2. The parent could ignore the painting and scold the child for the huge mess that he/she has to clean up and 3. The parent could acknowledge the hard work of the child but also show the child that the mess is still there and now they have to clean it. Reaction one would give the child to much purpose and not enough guilt, which could cause the child to become somewhat ruthless, not caring about the consequences of their actions. Reaction two would do the exact opposite and give the child too much guilt, which would lead to the child having a lot of inhibition and not try due to fear of being repermanded. Reaction three would produce a balanced outcome, the child would feel proud that they took initiative but also would understand that they did in fact make a mess and need to clean it.
Now these examples are based early on in life(0-12), but they do have affect on the future. Many people who are in jail actually failed the first stage(trust). They don't feel like they can trust others, so they have a darker perception of the world and lack hope, so they are more easily turned to criminal actions or reckless behavior(present in the second stage Shame and Doubt and the third Initiative and Guilt).
We also discussed independence in teens(which, by the way is the fifth stage). Teens "try" on different identities to figure out who they are as people(strengths, weaknesses, occupations, sexual identity, etc.), where they use their friends as a reflection of themselves. Many parents know about that one friend that their child has that is a sort of "wild card", where you don't exactly trust the friend to lead your child towards their goals. But this is a sort of safe exploring of the child's own psyche. Instead of partaking in reckless behavior(which is still possible), they live that part of themselves through their friends. So that "wild card" friend is important to have, you just need to keep an eye on them.
This week we will be discussing more about autonomy(which I'm really excited about). So stay tuned!
For example, take a child who has to make a creative project for class, but in doing so gets paint colors everywhere in the room. The kid shows the parent the painting hoping to be praised for their hard work. Now this can go in three ways: 1. The adult could praise the child for making the painting and ignore the mess and clean it up later(which would completely pass over a self-control and basic hygiene lesson), 2. The parent could ignore the painting and scold the child for the huge mess that he/she has to clean up and 3. The parent could acknowledge the hard work of the child but also show the child that the mess is still there and now they have to clean it. Reaction one would give the child to much purpose and not enough guilt, which could cause the child to become somewhat ruthless, not caring about the consequences of their actions. Reaction two would do the exact opposite and give the child too much guilt, which would lead to the child having a lot of inhibition and not try due to fear of being repermanded. Reaction three would produce a balanced outcome, the child would feel proud that they took initiative but also would understand that they did in fact make a mess and need to clean it.
Now these examples are based early on in life(0-12), but they do have affect on the future. Many people who are in jail actually failed the first stage(trust). They don't feel like they can trust others, so they have a darker perception of the world and lack hope, so they are more easily turned to criminal actions or reckless behavior(present in the second stage Shame and Doubt and the third Initiative and Guilt).
We also discussed independence in teens(which, by the way is the fifth stage). Teens "try" on different identities to figure out who they are as people(strengths, weaknesses, occupations, sexual identity, etc.), where they use their friends as a reflection of themselves. Many parents know about that one friend that their child has that is a sort of "wild card", where you don't exactly trust the friend to lead your child towards their goals. But this is a sort of safe exploring of the child's own psyche. Instead of partaking in reckless behavior(which is still possible), they live that part of themselves through their friends. So that "wild card" friend is important to have, you just need to keep an eye on them.
This week we will be discussing more about autonomy(which I'm really excited about). So stay tuned!
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Day One of my Internship
I should begin by explaining that my internship is more like participating in a class than what the other students do, but it's just as fun. I assist Dr.Herb Agan in his Parenting course (getting papers, helping set up the class), which is focused on the mental growth of adolescents and adults together.
The first class was more of an introduction to get to know all the people in the class and the general flow. I learned new things about what the "psych" in "psychology" actually means (did you know that psych in Greek means flutterby, which is another word for butterfly? I didn't.) I learned that many figures in psychology focus a lot on the brain and the mind aspects of psychology, but many Jungian psychologist focus on the heart and the emotions of people, and less about the hard science. I learned that while kids are going through adolescence, where they figure out who they are, parents go through Middlescence, where they have to figure who they are in separation from their kids.
The class consists of mostly discussions of why teenagers are they way they are (in relation to their environment) and how and in what ways parents play a role. The topics covered span over family, education, friends, the environment and the parenting of parents when they were kids.
I'm really excited for the next class and I can't even aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
This is a picture of me outside the Jungian Center :D
The first class was more of an introduction to get to know all the people in the class and the general flow. I learned new things about what the "psych" in "psychology" actually means (did you know that psych in Greek means flutterby, which is another word for butterfly? I didn't.) I learned that many figures in psychology focus a lot on the brain and the mind aspects of psychology, but many Jungian psychologist focus on the heart and the emotions of people, and less about the hard science. I learned that while kids are going through adolescence, where they figure out who they are, parents go through Middlescence, where they have to figure who they are in separation from their kids.
The class consists of mostly discussions of why teenagers are they way they are (in relation to their environment) and how and in what ways parents play a role. The topics covered span over family, education, friends, the environment and the parenting of parents when they were kids.
I'm really excited for the next class and I can't even aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
This is a picture of me outside the Jungian Center :D
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